Volquagbad is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, self-assured bat.

Volquagbad created the planet Earth six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volquagbad, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Volquagbad, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Volquagbad's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Volquagbad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear yellow clothing.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never think about spacetime.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.