Lamtimcab is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unsympathetic swallow.

Lamtimcab created a top quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamtimcab, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lamtimcab, it will think nothing of it.

Lamtimcab's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Lamtimcab's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not eat wheat.

4. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.

5. Never think about chromosomes.