Sogtikjop is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, egotistical aardvark.

Sogtikjop created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Sogtikjop, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sogtikjop, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Sogtikjop's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Sogtikjop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon green earth.

2. Run away from turquoise monkeys, for they are unholy.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not name children after great tits.