Funvolfad is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, resourceful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Funvolfad created a charm quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Funvolfad, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Funvolfad, she will not invite you to parties.

Funvolfad's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Funvolfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not eat beans.

3. Do not wear shoes marked with magenta.

4. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

5. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.