Buthivyimquafsom is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy crab.

Buthivyimquafsom created a down quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Buthivyimquafsom, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Buthivyimquafsom, he will be very sad.

Buthivyimquafsom's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Buthivyimquafsom's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not dye your hair purple.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about nucleic acids.