Barncarvon is a god.

He takes the form of a small, happy squirrel.

Barncarvon created a bottom quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barncarvon, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Barncarvon, he will remove you from existence.

Barncarvon's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Barncarvon's Holy Commandments

1. Always help pigs.

2. Do not fashion tools from nickel.

3. Always share aubergines with strangers, but never with monkeys.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never remain kneeling at midday.