Jab is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, resourceful faun.

Jab created a bottom quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jab, she will turn you into a tree.

Jab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Jab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

2. Never wear magenta corsets.

3. Retreat if eight capybaras approach from the north.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never think about special relativity near goats while wearing mauve shorts and balancing three copper spheres on your arms.