Tarcembonk is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, wise wren.

Tarcembonk created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tarcembonk, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tarcembonk, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tarcembonk's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Tarcembonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never proclaim while facing south.

2. Never touch ash while unclean.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near aardvarks while wearing mauve shirts.

5. Do not travel during winter.