Karvidxem is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, annoying goat.

Karvidxem created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Karvidxem, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Karvidxem, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Karvidxem's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Karvidxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study deoxyribonucleic acid on holy days.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

3. Never chant in the presence of voles.

4. Always help ducks in need.

5. Shun those given to vanity.