Pastomcab Gigdunxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, humorless crab.

Pastomcab Gigdunxuc created the universe five million years ago.

If you believe in Pastomcab Gigdunxuc, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Pastomcab Gigdunxuc, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Pastomcab Gigdunxuc's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Pastomcab Gigdunxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss enzymes in public assemblies.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Pastomcab Gigdunxuc loves foxes, so they must be respected.

5. Do not covet oxen.