Dutcuncar is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, charitable whale.

Dutcuncar created the Tadpole Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutcuncar, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dutcuncar, it will jump up and down on your head.

Dutcuncar's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Dutcuncar's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt ants.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near shrews while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing seven titanium spheres on your feet.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.