Hapdidcipyak is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, pitiless mink.

Hapdidcipyak created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapdidcipyak, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hapdidcipyak, he will curse you with boils.

Hapdidcipyak's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hapdidcipyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not place gooseberries upon stone.

3. Never wear cyan tights.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near badgers while wearing mauve scarves and balancing nine lead spheres on your hands.

5. Do not take Hapdidcipyak's name in vain.