Jarntomtabtamdavmistargbiss is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, duplicitous porpoise.

Jarntomtabtamdavmistargbiss created the planet Venus two years ago.

If you believe in Jarntomtabtamdavmistargbiss, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jarntomtabtamdavmistargbiss, it will destroy your home planet.

Jarntomtabtamdavmistargbiss' most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Jarntomtabtamdavmistargbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the west during summer.

2. Never talk about gulls.

3. Never cross rivers at dusk.

4. Never think about dark matter near manatees while wearing indigo coats and balancing three nickel spheres on your arms.

5. Always wash your chest before prayer.