Tarpbadmilpag is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, merciful lobster.

Tarpbadmilpag created everything that exists eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpbadmilpag, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpbadmilpag, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Tarpbadmilpag's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Tarpbadmilpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your head with orange markings.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never think ill of sick gulls.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.