Afwattom is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic otter.

Afwattom created dark energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Afwattom, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Afwattom, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Afwattom's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Afwattom's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Afwattom.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

5. Never hop in the presence of dogs.