Bamdapnur is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, overgenerous lobster.

Bamdapnur created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamdapnur, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bamdapnur, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bamdapnur's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Bamdapnur's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear mauve jumpers.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not kill snails.

5. Worship no other gods but Bamdapnur.