Tarpaspon is a god.

It takes the form of a small, fussy dryad.

Tarpaspon created a Higgs boson four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpaspon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarpaspon, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tarpaspon's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tarpaspon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not kill frogs.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not hurt great tits.

5. Never leap near sharks.