Kipyatvolbif is a god.

She takes the form of a large, ruthless hamster.

Kipyatvolbif created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kipyatvolbif, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kipyatvolbif, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Kipyatvolbif's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Kipyatvolbif's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. Never talk about pigs.

3. Never feed lots of grapes to snakes while wearing gray stockings.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching silver.

5. Never allow hamsters to witness sacred rites.