Litflapxen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, flying raccoon.

Litflapxen created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Litflapxen, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Litflapxen, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Litflapxen's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Litflapxen's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Never cross rivers at midday.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Litflapxen.

4. Never think about special relativity near sharks while wearing yellow shirts and balancing nine tin spheres on your face.

5. Remain standing during prayer.