Cabcadgov is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, pitiless goblin.

Cabcadgov created dark matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cabcadgov, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cabcadgov, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cabcadgov's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Cabcadgov's Holy Commandments

1. Cabcadgov must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never mix cucumbers with ash.

3. Always remove corsets before touching copper.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of strangers.

5. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.