Xingebraktarp Zodgabbonshav is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, deceitful turtle.

Xingebraktarp Zodgabbonshav created a charm quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Xingebraktarp Zodgabbonshav, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Xingebraktarp Zodgabbonshav, he will turn you into a puffin.

Xingebraktarp Zodgabbonshav's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Xingebraktarp Zodgabbonshav's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

2. Do not dye your hair green.

3. Heed all signs.

4. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

5. Never allow ducks to witness sacred rites.