Fetbesspang is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, thoughtless tortoise.

Fetbesspang created light five million years ago.

If you believe in Fetbesspang, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fetbesspang, it will have a low opinion of you.

Fetbesspang's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Fetbesspang's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dwarf planets.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never think about dark matter near goats while wearing orange shirts and balancing four aluminium spheres on your back.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not listen to music.