Dogabtif is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, thoughtless newt.

Dogabtif created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogabtif, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Dogabtif, she will cry a lot.

Dogabtif's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Dogabtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near badgers while wearing mauve hats.

4. Pray only in moonlight.

5. Dogabtif loves nematodes, so they must be respected.