Spagbankik is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, strong duck.

Spagbankik created dark matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Spagbankik, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Spagbankik, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Spagbankik's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Spagbankik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep eight nematodes in a large pit.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Spagbankik.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must love Spagbankik.

5. Never talk about spacetime.