Bossvoncisspad is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, ruthless hyena.

Bossvoncisspad created time and space six million years ago.

If you believe in Bossvoncisspad, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bossvoncisspad, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bossvoncisspad's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Bossvoncisspad's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.

2. Never mix bananas with ash.

3. Remain standing during prayer.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near snakes while wearing violet ear rings and balancing six aluminium spheres on your feet.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.