Nurvenyam Cumruttbellsogweehap is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witless wren.

Nurvenyam Cumruttbellsogweehap created the planet Saturn four years ago.

If you believe in Nurvenyam Cumruttbellsogweehap, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nurvenyam Cumruttbellsogweehap, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nurvenyam Cumruttbellsogweehap's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nurvenyam Cumruttbellsogweehap's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never think ill of sick birds.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never talk about chlorophyll.