Bossmanflat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, proud narwhal.

Bossmanflat created a strange quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bossmanflat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bossmanflat, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bossmanflat's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Bossmanflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about sheep.

2. Gulls are not to be trusted.

3. Never sprint in winter.

4. Never think about gravity near eagles while wearing fawn corsets and balancing nine silver spheres on your face.

5. You must pray to Bossmanflat eight times a day.