Cumarfjab is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, grumpy badger.

Cumarfjab created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumarfjab, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cumarfjab, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Cumarfjab's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Cumarfjab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six gold sculptures of Cumarfjab on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about spacetime.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never hurt voles.

5. Do not cook food in pots.