Taftafrak is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, slow octopus.

Taftafrak created Europe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taftafrak, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Taftafrak, she will make you grow a tail.

Taftafrak's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Taftafrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near frogs while wearing magenta tights.

2. Never wear kilts.

3. Never write about electromagnetism.

4. Retreat if six mice approach from the west.

5. Never write about moons.