Kapbansawtik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, selfish unicorn.

Kapbansawtik created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Kapbansawtik, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kapbansawtik, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Kapbansawtik's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Kapbansawtik's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Never gather six frogs near wells.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never touch ash while unclean.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.