Gadsatsaf is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic grasshopper.

Gadsatsaf created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Gadsatsaf, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gadsatsaf, it will laugh at you.

Gadsatsaf's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Gadsatsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not speak about wheat.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gadsatsaf.

5. Never talk about swans.