Nurtnuttcat is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unsympathetic bear.

Nurtnuttcat created the Black Eye Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtnuttcat, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nurtnuttcat, he will laugh at you.

Nurtnuttcat's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Nurtnuttcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Nurtnuttcat's priests.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurtnuttcat.

3. Hide if four eagles approach from the north.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never pour water over plants.