Fossgadgepbumhun is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, grumpy pigeon.

Fossgadgepbumhun created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fossgadgepbumhun, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Fossgadgepbumhun, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Fossgadgepbumhun's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Fossgadgepbumhun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Fossgadgepbumhun in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always help sick seals.

5. Never wear shorts.