Rulfebarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, kind mole.

Rulfebarn created the planet Mars two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rulfebarn, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Rulfebarn, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Rulfebarn's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Rulfebarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear fawn.

2. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Rulfebarn on top of all buildings.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Run away if six sharks approach from the north.