Habtailhab is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, boastful salamander.

Habtailhab created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Habtailhab, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Habtailhab, he will destroy your home planet.

Habtailhab's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Habtailhab's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near swans.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Habtailhab.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.