Jonsomlen is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest hamster.

Jonsomlen created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonsomlen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jonsomlen, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Jonsomlen's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Jonsomlen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

2. Feed all hungry ants.

3. Always help nematodes.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never discuss photosynthesis in public assemblies.