Arffudpitcibren is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, calm wasp.

Arffudpitcibren created the Sun nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arffudpitcibren, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Arffudpitcibren, it will turn you into a goat.

Arffudpitcibren's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Arffudpitcibren's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five eagles approach from the north.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

3. Never wear shirts.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.