Gongenwot is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, happy seal.

Gongenwot created Mount Everest six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gongenwot, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gongenwot, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gongenwot's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Gongenwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gongenwot.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never look at comets.