Vonkgemhivbopgup is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, clever newt.

Vonkgemhivbopgup created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkgemhivbopgup, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Vonkgemhivbopgup, he will not care.

Vonkgemhivbopgup's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Vonkgemhivbopgup's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never sprint in the presence of eagles.

3. Always remove stockings before entering holy places.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never speak the names of dwarf planets aloud.