Shavtunlensaffosspasloop Pitfargeb is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, happy hummingbird.

Shavtunlensaffosspasloop Pitfargeb created light six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavtunlensaffosspasloop Pitfargeb, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Shavtunlensaffosspasloop Pitfargeb, he will jump up and down on your head.

Shavtunlensaffosspasloop Pitfargeb's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Shavtunlensaffosspasloop Pitfargeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

3. Always share pineapples with strangers, but never with manatees.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching zinc.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.