Fasfenhun is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, ruthless jaguar.

Fasfenhun created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fasfenhun, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fasfenhun, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Fasfenhun's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Fasfenhun's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Never paint your head red.

3. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

4. Never pray while filled with envy.

5. Never talk about archaea.