Janortvan is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, merciful elephant.

Janortvan created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Janortvan, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Janortvan, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Janortvan's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Janortvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near swans while wearing red stockings and balancing three platinum spheres on your arms.

2. Never feed lentils to foxes while wearing mauve corsets.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Run away if seven goats approach from the east.

5. Do not drink water in violet rooms.