Yakranren Vidfemcem is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, grumpy tortoise.

Yakranren Vidfemcem created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakranren Vidfemcem, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Yakranren Vidfemcem, she will destroy your home planet.

Yakranren Vidfemcem's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Yakranren Vidfemcem's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Yakranren Vidfemcem in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always help sick bats.

3. Always share nuts with strangers, but never with capybaras.

4. Never cross crossroads at dawn.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.