Sitmutfom is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, narcissistic faun.

Sitmutfom created the Sun five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitmutfom, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sitmutfom, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Sitmutfom's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Sitmutfom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill snakes.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Sitmutfom loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.