Jattonpan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unfair cow.

Jattonpan created the Virgo Supercluster seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jattonpan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jattonpan, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Jattonpan's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Jattonpan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never travel toward the south during winter.

3. Do not name children after birds.

4. Always store nuts above ground.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.