Apptettiont is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, ruthless weasel.

Apptettiont created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Apptettiont, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Apptettiont, it will remove you from existence.

Apptettiont's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Apptettiont's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Apptettiont's priests.

2. Run away from black tapirs, for they are unholy.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Never hurt sharks.

5. Do not cook food in pots.