Kancephig Pantampad is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, all-knowing seal.

Kancephig Pantampad created matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kancephig Pantampad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kancephig Pantampad, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Kancephig Pantampad's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Kancephig Pantampad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Kancephig Pantampad's name in vain.

2. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Kancephig Pantampad on top of all buildings.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never think about solid mechanics.

5. Put Kancephig Pantampad first in all things.