Yattafbap is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unfair alligator.

Yattafbap created the Virgo Supercluster four million years ago.

If you believe in Yattafbap, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yattafbap, he will turn you into a hamster.

Yattafbap's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Yattafbap's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Yattafbap loves swans, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Never feed turnips to monkeys while wearing ear rings.

5. Never talk about cell theory.