Bastcatkonpad is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, omniscient fish.

Bastcatkonpad created parasitic wasps five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastcatkonpad, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bastcatkonpad, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bastcatkonpad's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Bastcatkonpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms blue.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Do not cook food in pots.