Lidarnyarp is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ill-tempered guinea pig.

Lidarnyarp created the planet Jupiter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lidarnyarp, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lidarnyarp, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Lidarnyarp's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Lidarnyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Never mention tortoises.

3. Never allow seals to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Never feed wheat to manatees while wearing kilts.

5. Never gather nine porpoises near bridges.